The Sweet Slap

It was a chilly Saturday morning and frankly the weather was quite right for the baby making session to begin. My boyfriend and I were curdled in each other’s arms warming our tender skins into what felt like a steam around us. It was a long night and I was really aching in all the wrong places!
So I didn’t wanna have another steamy session this early morning, despite the weather begin as it was….so inviting for some morning glory just to set the mood for the day; That could do me good. But not in my state! So I quickly slide before Mr. Weaner could realize my absence and begin calling out for me.
Muhika* jolted from the sudden rush of air that rushed down his thorax as soon as I left his arms. The look on his eyes was so tired. Bet I did a good one on him too! Cheers to that! He fabled with his eyes a little bit before finally opening them to the (I presume) beautiful face of his girlfriend his loving girlfriend! Darn he looked so cute when waking up! I watched him for some seconds wishing they would never end. But they did. And he finally said something.
“Morning Darling…” Those were his first words that morning! And at that moment, they were angelic! The voice was still the same though somewhat raspy from the tequila shots he was firing down his throat last night………….about last night!
And at that very single moment my face grew cold! Last night could possibly have been the worst night in the history all the nights I have had in this campus. Thinking about last night rekindled the fire of rage that had been momentarily suppressed by this gentleman turned monster! His breath now stunk of a dead rat from the alcohol he consumed that made him shout me down for the better part of the night. His perfectly shaped fingers now resembled a disorganized and discolored baobab tree as a result of the beating I took for simply trying to do well by myself and go to sleep when the heat had turned up too much!  This time I began paying attention to myself and My God did I see hell dawn on me! My brown toned skin now looked like an unevenly cooked chapatti with black patches all over! My pear shaped face had now taken the shape of a jigsaw puzzle piece and was nearly the size of a basketball! The soreness I was experiencing wasn’t due to a romantic and steamy night of passion! Hell no! It was as a result of an inadequate male figure referring to himself as my boyfriend and so-called ‘protector’, who forced his inadequacy into me under guise that “Mwenye Haki Apewe”. All I could think about at that moment was “What happens to you Muhika* on this dreadful Fridays?”

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Ladies need to be equipped mentally!

After all the love and affection we, ladies, show to our “Gentlemen” it would be a shame and a great disgrace for any man among the “Team Mafisi” or even the “Team Mafisi No More” sacco to return that love with violence! Yes, the hunt will always be better than the kill. But why should we make such accurate moves while hunting only to end up squandering the price? Even a lion does not shit on its own food after killing eat. If it doesn’t like what it found then it will leave the kill for its friends or even the hyenas and the vultures if it was that bad. So why should a so-called Gentleman shit all over his kill with battery, relationship rape, abuse and/or blatantly insensible disrespect? Men need a crash course on how to really handle a lady or ladies right after clearing high school since it should be expected that they would have done all the flopping while in that stage.  This is not an advice session but just to clear some myths;

. . . . Sex in a relationship, whether married or not, is not anyone’s right to have! You have to continuously negotiate for this sweet escape! No short cuts! With every new instance comes a new challenge for you to prove your word prowess as a man! How else will you answer the question, “Ulimwingiza box aje brathe?”
. . . . A Relationship is not a dictatorship! Democracy begins at home! So if you can’t be democratic to your wife/fiancée/girlfriend then you should hang for crimes against humanity! There is no difference between you and Hitler!
. . . . Beauty was given to a woman for one reason, to be preserved! So if your lady has more dents than you do then most likely someone must be riding you in reverse and it sure ain’t your lady partner! Don’t mishandle your lady! From the peak of Mt Kilimanjaro to the depths of Lake Tanganyika there is no definition of manhood that glorifies such an act.

And to the innocent ladies who are always on the receiving end of this fracas! You need to woman up and act worthy. Ladies were given a small body so as not to fight back! But they were also given brilliant and resilient brains, not to carry earrings and jewelry, but to walk away, wait and prepare a comeback! See men respect each other because of two things: Brains and Brawns! If you ain’t got Brains then you better have Brawns to remain relevant in the society! The same rule however applies on a higher scale when it comes to ladies. You gotta be two times as smart to even have half of what a man has. That is to say that you need gauge and judge your man! You only need a percentage of the time needed to know if your man is worth your sacrifice and time. You then need to decide to give your brain dominance over your heart when it comes to setting clear boundaries between you and your abusive man. Men have a way with word but it’s your relationship we are talking about here. Actions speak louder than words! So if the man can’t speak with his body then he surely shouldn’t have your body!

Finally ladies you need to know what you want. And that is not a private matter! You ain’t trying to create an angel here in the pretense that “He will figure out what I want”. How? By osmosis? Ladies speak to your suitors! And don’t tell them nonsense about your liking tall dark and handsome men! Speak some sensible stuff! Stuff that will make him tremble! And not just tremble for the moment! We know that bitch face you put as a first impression attempt! So you have to make sure you live up to your standards. So visibly that, your soon-to-be man will either shape up or shape out! And when the moment comes when he has you by his teeth, don’t forget that you are the only prey in the animal that stays alive after the kill. Stay Alive! Don’t be overshadowed by the man! Let him know that you are still you and he can’t just walk all over you! But also respect him. You are still prey you know! And any moment he could kill you or throw you to the vultures and hyenas! He is protection for you and you are his pride! Keep it that way for as long as you can! And when this lion decides to leave, then walk away gracefully too! At least he left you alive and unharmed! Don’t go looking for bit marks you don’t deserve.

Back to this Saturday morning, I looked at this man seated next me remembering wrath I face under him! Yes! I did hit him below the belt literally coz of speaking to lady who I hadn’t realized was her sister. I must have been really screwed up. But his reactions were uncalled for! And he said a lot of nasty stuff that I never knew lurked under all that wrath! We surely had a lot to discuss; and I realized I was definitely in need of a change of character; for the sake of us!  But right now let me console myself with the abundant ‘sorry’s he was freely giving out. He was quite guilty coz he actually cried! I think he also realized that he overstepped and needs to work towards making this relationship back to where it was when we first started.

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